Day 36..

I hate holidays. I hate the things I used to love.
Nothing good lasts forever.
And the best thing in my life is about to come to an end.

I hate being the good girl.
I hate it but I don't have an option in my life.
I'm stuck in me, I can never get up and run away.
Cuz' I'm stupid and worthless.

I hate loving things I cannot fully own.
Things I cannot say is mine.
Things that is not even my hands reach.

I hate the holidays.
Holidays are full of hatred and treachery and a lot more horrible things I cannot explain.
Holidays breaks all my bonds in my life.

And worst of all.
I hate myself.
I hate myself for wanting to be the best of bests.
I hate myself for not being able to archieve the best in any field.
I hate myself for not being able to choose a stable position to stand.
I hate myself for wanting things I know I can never get.
I hate myself for myself.

You are running so fast and you know I cannot run that fast.
But you're holding my damn hand.
Just let it go can you?
Just let go of me and so you can run as fast as you want.
You don't have to turn back at look at my stupid face.
Just RUN.
Run for your life.
Run like your entire life depended on running.
And if you turn back.
I'll die.

If you want to hold on my hand then stop running.
Walk at my pace.
Hold my hands tight and firm.
Encourage my every step when we walk.
So we can do it together. Forever.

Damn. I'm so selfish.
Just RUN.
Good things never last.
It's time I let go.



I hate myself.